You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
