I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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