franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
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Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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