gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
