I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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