Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
