Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Randomize
