I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize