girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
