your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
my shit smells like andre
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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