But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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