do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
