the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize