i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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