I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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