I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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