so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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