This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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