Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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