Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
