I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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