I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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