I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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