they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I have demons in me.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
