dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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