i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
