I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
