My nipple is on Facebook.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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