Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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