Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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