My cat gives me a boner
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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