honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
