...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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