Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
two words...techno handjob
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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