I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
