Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I wish you could order shots online.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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