just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
