Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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