That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
