This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
