The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
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Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
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Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets