so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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