somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated