I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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