just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
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I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
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I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.