why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
