I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
