I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
