those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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