you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
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