Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
