dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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