You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
