What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I think I sprained my soul last night
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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