So drunk its hurt
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
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I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
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Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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