I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
