i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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