I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Dignity is for republicans.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
