cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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