I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just had sex on a roof
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
